Interesting how weddings can be so draining even tho we are not the ppl getting married. haha

i'm glad Chris made me one of her jie meis. (i think this will be the ONLY time i get to be a jie mei.) haha but yeah, you get to see and be part of the behind the scenes effort in "the making of the perfect wedding".

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and i wonder how would it be like during my own wedding. heh

i'll just cross my fingers that i dont fall down.

haha i'm starting to worry cos i fell down at chris's wedding! haha i was running around setting up etc then i have no idea what happened, i just fell. heng i grabbed on to the railings. and i had to embarrass myself by screaming and so many ppl saw. so typical of me. boo.

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so anyways.

Seeing Rudy and Christine get married kinda slapped me in the face a little. i mean i thought alot about errm alot things that errm came out of nothing. but oh wells. probably i'm just paranoid la. or maybe its fact.

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Their wedding had like almost 4 tiers filled and honestly, i doubt mine can fill like 2 - 3 tiers? like, who would i invite? or rather who do i have on my list to invite? i dont think i have that many friends. and even if i do, would they come? am i that significant in their lives that they would take a sat off just to see me walk down the aisle?

So many ppl was willing to work their butt out for their wedding. From the video to the decor to the coordinating.. ppl had it all covered. Was talking to chris the other day and she said, no matter what happens she knows that these ppl would stand by her. and i was thinking, i probably have to beg ppl to come help out in my wedding preparation. like who will be my jie mei's? who would be standing by me? who can i count on?

When chris walks down the aile she knows for sure that ppl would cheer for her. like her cell members will probably never allow a moment of silence. and true enough they didnt. i mean, wouldnt it be wierd that as you walk down the aisle ppl clap halfway and they stop clapping? its so ????.

many cried on their wedding, christine's cell did a performance for her and Lauren flew all the way from America to surprise her on her wedding... oh wells. I guess She probably meant sth to them becos of the friendship that was built and her cell respected her for what she has done in their lives for them to scream and cheer for her. So what about me? Will there be ppl who would cheer their lungs out becos they're so happy for me? will ppl cry at my wedding other than myself and my mum?

And when rudy was giving his thank you speech i cant believe i cried. haha SIAO! for what also i dont know. i guess it was pretty heartfelt la.. and i'm thinking. who would i thank on my wedding? i have no idea who actually made an impact in my life or who is that someone that i really looked up to.

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i'm not saying all these because i'm emo and its all about me me me and how happening i want my wedding to be etc..

I'm just starting to question what kind of relationships have i built and who have i really impacted so far. Like who are my "cell boys and girls" and friends that would be standing by me.

The last thing i want is to be found bumming around, doing ministry, serving and at the end of it all, ppl only rmb me as the girl who always appear on stage, talks alot and not because i've made an impact in their lives or at least someone who meant sth to them.

oh wells. :)

I guess its kinda hard trying to understand my point cos i'm really bad with expressing myself through words. i'm not really the kind who can piece my thoughts into one poetic sentence to sum up what i feel. (maybe i should read more books again huh)

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Okays. good night world.

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oh ya PPL. send me wedding pictures pls. :)

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ugh need camera. CAMERA!!!