I Have decided. To follow Jesus.
No turning back, no turning back.

Its been the longest time since i've cried at the altar. I asked Him what is it that he requires of me so as to be a disciple. And he answered in the simplest way but it was the hardest thing that i had to give.

5 things cross carrying disciples do
1. They exhibit Single Hearted Devotion to Jesus

2. They live a life of sacrifice

3. They are totally surrendered to God

4. They are a suitable candidate for greatness.

5. They are salty people that make others thirst for God

I guess we've have heard this message over a million times. But have i paid the price and say that i am a disciple of Jesus or am i simply just an admirer of him.

The 12 apostles.
Andrew - crucified
Bartholomew - beaten then crucified
James, son of Alphaeus - stoned to death
James, son of Zebedee - beheaded
John - exiled for his faith; died of old age
Judas (not Iscariot) - stoned to death
Matthew - speared to death
Peter - crucifed upside down
Philip - crucified
Simon - crucified
Thomas - speared to death
Matthias - stoned to death

These people laid down everything they had for Him and they risked themselves for the sake of proclaiming the gospel.
For us? its always about me myself and I. No wonder we live a powerless life.

I'll never know how much it cost.

We've been preaching too much about cheap grace instead of costly grace. Christianity was never a bed of roses. There are so many of us who are labelled as Christians but never did walk the walk. Maybe thats why non-Christians have that much misconceptions about us. Call us hypocrites? I'm not surprised. But i'm/we're only humans.

I'm trying. Trying with all i am to be more like him each day. I cant be perfect but my heart's desire is Jesus and for him to make me perfect. Trails may come, but i know, i'll never be a backsliden christian because i have met Him.
How can one say that something is there and real when he/she hasn't touched of felt it before. so likewise, thats how i know my Jesus is real. :)

Right. it sounds like i'm almost preaching here. But thats what i've been thinking about. My life, my call, the people. Am i just going to live life like that...Growing up, be a mediocre Christian, have fun, build a career, have a family and then die of old age?? Being an understudy worship leader.. is it just fulfilling the expectation of others over my life? How can i keep my flock safe? Ugh, all the things that are going through my head. I cant sleep now.

Oh wells, ultimately its all about loving God and loving his people.

"I have one passion. And that passion is Jesus and Jesus only."

I guess today was really an inspiring day. I know i have renewed my vision, my love and my passion for Jesus once again. SO NO TURNING BACK. :) :)

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I bought notepads made of recycled paper from daiso. Haa.
I'm determined to write a note to someone every week just to encourage and tell them how much they mean to me. I've been doing it and i will still be doing it. Yes it shall be done. :)