Monday, February 26, 2007 @2:07 AM
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Despite the many times that i've failed Him, He is still willing to use me. Why? i really dont know. Sometimes I just feel like I don’t deserve it all. But I really thank God for everything.
I’m not seeking to be the new face and be known by everyone or even to be the so called “anointed” understudy worship leader. Oh my, and definitely not to the extent of having being called out and prayed for by Pst yang. (my heart dropped all the way down to my toes.) I’m just glad He’s willing to use me. I guess this is really way over my own expectations of what I can do and what I will do. I have little dreams. Sadly. My only expectation is to be the best backup singer I can be.
I really appreciate all the compliments that people have said to me. It’s really encouraging. But I’ll never want fall under the category of being over confident, arrogant, self sufficient and having no sense of humility + all the other things you can think of, etc etc.
Humility is what I’ve learnt today. It’s never about us.
And often times, its when you least expect it that you have it. I was telling someone that it’s okay if I’ve humiliated myself. The face doesn’t matter to me anymore. And although when Pst Daniel was preaching I felt like I want to pull out my hair cuz I really thought I did badly at the beginning and what’s worst is that I’m about to die singing for the altar call (So I hid behind the keyboard. :) Not a very smart move I guess), I didn’t expect anything out of it. I just want to cultivate that essence of simplicity by saying God i need you before it begins and telling God thank you each time it has all ended.
Honestly, I use to think that I’m the most unlikely candidate for anything. I guess many do too. It’s always the point about being not good enough.
(Sidetrack a lil: When we have worship meetings and everyone will sing, everyone will compliment jul about how nice she sounds etc. Jul reallyyy. You always don’t believe me Haha you have the best sound I know. I remember Prissy will bend over and say eh jul sing very nice right!, pst Rupert will say, wow nice voice, a little more polishing it will be powerful, and Christine will say waa jul got nice voice, dajie will say eh your voice very nice leh. See jul, people esteem you higher that what you think you are. My mum thinks you’re the prettiest and so do I :) haha So lets lower the expectations off ourselves and heck those who compare us :)) okay so my point is just to take our eyes off ourselves, use what we have and do what we can.
Anyways, my mouth was slightly twitching when pst yang said beware of those people who try and take advantage of me or make a superstar out of it or something like that la. haha It reminded me that sabby, jul and I had this crazy idea of wanting to join the next superband competition as “fortynights” haha. It will never happen I guess. We’re not even anywhere near Fortydays, the band that we claim to be affiliated to. Hahaha.
Teach me how to glorify you instead.Exam is coming. There’s a need to start preparing! Excellence is needed. Haha Home is a bad place. The bed is a stumbling block. Maybe I’ll be off to the airport alone for the next few days? It Depends. Cuz its totally inaccessible :)